possible

Recently I turned the ripe old age of 31. When I think back to where I was at 21, I can only wish I knew then what was possible for me 10 years down the road. So, to my 21 year old self - here's what's possible:

- you CAN be in a marriage where not every day is high drama. Your partner CAN be your best friend who enjoys spending time with you and making you happy. I know, what a concept!!
- you CAN be responsible for bringing a life into this world and you can look at that little face and marvel at how completely you love her.
- you CAN be a working 9 to 5 girl and have a great home life. You'll be a bit tired, but satisfied and fulfilled.
- you CAN buy lots of shoes.
- you CAN have that BMW you always dreamed of.
- You CAN have girlfriends that build you up, not tear you down.
- You CAN say no to a friendship that is unhealthy.
- You CAN accept that your parents aren't perfect, and love them for trying to be!
- You CAN look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love me" instead of "who do I want to be?"

tired

Every night, during the Monday through Friday 9 to 5 shuffle, I get about 1 hour to myself. That's if the husband is working. And during this hour I torture myself with thoughts of what productive things I should be doing, such as:

- cleaning something
- folding the two piles of laundry staring at me on the love seat
- calling my mom to say hi
- calling one of several friends I haven't spoken to in AGES since I became a mom and my life got nutty
- giving myself a pedicure
- working on Sydney's baby book
- organizing the 1278 pictures sitting in envelopes from CVS or Walmart into albums
- planning a mini getaway with my husband who I hardly see for more that an hour at a time
- reading a book
- thinking of ways to save money
- thinking of ways to spend money
- cutting coupons
- organizing a closet
- filing bills and other crap that's piled up 2 feet tall on the desk
- now that we are moving in 18 days....PACKING! Something, anything.
- preparing dinner for the next night so I have more time to enjoy playing tea party or reading books with Sydney when I get home
- getting all of the things I usually do in the morning done so I can actually leave for work on time and get home before 6:30PM the next day
- plan awesome, educational, fun things for Sydney to experience on the weekend, in between grocery shopping, getting face time in with grandparents, church, naps, breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and cleaning the house

and the list goes on...

But what do I do, each and every one of these nights during my one single hour of Erica time? Nothing. I just sit and stare aimlessly at the TV at an episode of General Hospital on Tivo then go to bed.

Bottom line: I'm tired. But it's okay. I've come to terms with the ever-growing list of things I will get to eventually. And I'm okay with enjoying my mindless one hour to myself, doing nothing I should be doing. Without it, I may have a very short "things I should be doing list," but I would be one unhappy, exhausted mother, wife and daughter.

I'll take tired any day over that!

And since I can't seem to post without one - here's the latest and greatest Syd shot...

Reality check...

I just found this email I sent to friends and family on August 29, 2008 - Sydney was three days old. Quite the reality check. It's not often I let my memory take me back to my daughter's birth. I sometimes feel so cheated that I do not get to look back on the days following her arrival into this world with excitment and joy, but instead I feel weepy and anxious. But by looking at her today, I can choke back those tears and be so thankful for how far she's come!

So today was a big day - very big! Sydney was taken off the vent, we held her for the first time, Denis changed her diaper, and I got to feed her some of my own milk from a bottle! It was an amazing day, one we hope we can do again tomorrow. Attached are a few pics...

Love,
Erica and Denis

The Orphanage

I was remembering today the desperate pleas I would make a few months ago when Sydney was the worst sleeper known to mankind. I was so tired I couldn't see straight, much less function in society or at work, so I jokingly (not really) threatened to send her to an orphanage, sell her to Madonna, or just simply give her away to anyone who would take her. I was remembering all this as she and I were practicing singing "Happy Birthday" for her cousin Camryn's birthday party coming up soon. If I had sold her, or given her to Madonna and her international brood, I would have missed this...see video below. I'm so glad that orphanage never called to claim her, cause I would have missed my little two-foot terror and all her charm and wit.

I love you Sydie! I promise not to actually sell you or send you to live with the gypsies. But I can't promise I won't threaten it when your demon side, a.k.a. your father's side, is rearing her ugly head!

ok, blogger is being mean and won't upload my video...i've linked it instead.

Reset

As a parent for a few short (long) 17 months, I've learned that some days you just want to hit the reset button. My little angel-demon has had a cold for the past few days, which means she's been less than pleasant to be around. After a few days of thrown milk, thrown food, thrown toys, tantrums, incessant whining, kicking, crying, screaming "NO, NO, NO!," and wiping a gross nose 347 times a day, her dad and I have had enough. Until last night, when in the throws of her despair at feeling so crummy, I reach down, pick her up, and she throws her tiny arms around my neck, gives me a big squeeze, kisses my face and say "Mama." Reset.

Recap of 2009

The Champagne's had a big year in '09 - let's recap...

The year started with me going back to work full time after maternity leave.

Denis kept his job despite a horrendous fiscal downtown.

Sydney had many of her firsts...sitting, crawling, standing, walking, talking, tantrums, boo boos, colds, counting, and SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT (finally!). We celebrated her first birthday with a small (okay, not so small) group of family and friends. We counted our blessings on August 27th that after a hellish arrival into the world, one year later Sydney showed no negative side-effects of her experience.

Izzie spent most of the year sleeping, begging (her new fav spot is no longer under my feet at the table, but under Sydney's high chair - score!) and being adorable, while staying far out of the way of Hurricane Sydney.

The daily grind of two opposite schedules, daycare, grandparent daycare/babysitting, Denis and Erica time, family time, cooking, cleaning, bills, and a little fun thrown in from time to time has kept us so busy, I'm surprised our heads haven't spun completely off. But we wouldn't trade it for anything...except maybe a few million bucks - the grind would be much less of a hassle without the pesky need to work!

So what's in store for 2010? Hopefully a lot! We have an offer in on a house, one that if we are able to buy we will live in for many years to come. We'll watch Sydney contiue to grow and amaze us with her quick little brain, and make us laugh with her silly humor and clumsy feet (thanks to her dear old mom)! We'll hopefully survive yet another round of "will Denis have a job after July 1?" drama. We're looking forward to a longer and hotter summer than 2009 to enjoy on the beach with family and friends. And hopefully we will be planning our next trip to Cancun - oh how we have missed you, Mexico!!